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In my secondary school there were girls from different ethnic backgrounds; Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims and Christians. We all used to study, play and laugh together in harmony.
Eventually, we passed out from school and I applied to high school with the hope of entering college there after. However it was not the same case for my Muslim friends. I was receiving wedding invitations every month because they were getting married even before I finished high school. Among these young brides, was one of my best friends, Nazween. I could not imagine myself being married as young as 16 but Nazween who grew up with me and shared my books was about to become a wife already.
She was a charming bride and beneath her veil I saw her pretty face, smiling with joy. I must have actually expected her be in tears as I imagined her to be forced into this marriage by her parents. Then I shocked to see her husband, who was at least 30 years of age. How was she managing to show a happy face when she is being tied up to a man twice her age? This was turning my mind and I finally decided to talk to my friend.
I approached her slowly, wished her good luck and before I could ask anything, she understood my look. She smiled and said softly, “I know how strange all this must be to you, but this is how things happen in our families. I knew that marriage was the next step in life for me and I was not afraid to face it. Even though I saw him only a week before our wedding, I am sure that my parents are confident that he will take care of me. Girls must get married early in Muslim families otherwise it would be difficult to find suitors for them. Muslim men don’t really care for educated, matured women. I can’t imagine the tragic fate of an unmarried Muslim girl in our society”. She ended her note with a sigh of relief.
I was glad that I understood her. She had grown up in a family and a culture where values and norms were very different form ours. This whole event was strange to me since they didn’t happen in my culture. Nevertheless I was happy for my friend and hoped her all the best of luck for her new beginning in life.
7 comments:
Hi,
It is a very interesting situation that you have mentioned. Though I know that muslims marry early but it is an eye-opener for me that she got married to a man that she barely knows.
I know of a similar situation that happened even in Singapore, where the girl was my secondary school classmate and she got married even before going to college. It took me by surprise that even in Singapore, a developed country, such incident also happen.
I suppose we have to respect their culture value and norms, and hope that they have a blissful marriage.
WS
hi Vijani,
This is a very interesting post, and thanks for the very apt cartoon as well.
I think that it is often a problem when we speak to someone that has very different culture, values and/or expectations from us, cause we tend to make assumptions even prior to the conversations. On top of that, we also have the tendency to expect how we want someone to react to us even prior to knowing them. Thus, these factors alone often cause miscommunications. For example, a female muslim in a very traditional country would be shocked to see a female CEO in Singapore. However, is there an 'actual' universal role a female should adopt? Nope! Hence, it is imperative for us to be culturally tolerant!
cheers,
desmond
Thank you, Vijani, for providing a close look at this scenario. I guess I have heard so much about the conflicts within Sri Lanka between Hindus and Buddhists I never considered the other religious groups. (You might have mentioned this to me, but what is the per cent of Sri Lankan groups, one by one?)
Your focus on marriage norms in particularly interesting. Do you think Moslems there have remained, in this sense, more "traditional" than members of other groups, or not?
Hi, i think such an arranged marriage between young woman and old man are common in some western society too.
Recently i read about an article about some brave women who tried all means to run away from such arranged marriage. Not only were them forced to marry to older man but to married ones.
They struggled their ways out of such an unfair treatment and i really admire their spirit.
I hope the best for your friend too.
Cheers!
Hi Vijani.
Wow,I must say this was definitely an interesting incident which you wrote about, whereby I was brought into a cultural practice that I did not know.
Maybe, in our society where most are educated, many may think that arrnaged marriages may not last and true love is thus often not found.
However, I read from an article whereby statistics showed that arranged marriages were less likely to end up in divorce.
It made me realised that arranged marriages could be blissful marriages as well (:
Thus, whenever we are faced with a cultural practice that is very different from ours, we must learn to be more sensitive and open minded to accpet and learn the reasons behind the unique culture.
There was this classmate in my class, she is an indian, once she has completed her study and she told us that she had to return india (she is from india) and to marry someone she did not know and never met before, although she was not willing to do so but she said that was their culture there and it was planned and chosen by her parents.
I felt so sad for her and i could not do anything to help her beside praying for her. She explained to us that if she declined what her parents had planned for her then she would be treated as unfilial girl.
How sad for her situation. :(
I always wonder why the Muslims normally get married at a younger age as compared to the other races. Now I know the reason behind it!
I know in the past, most of the Chinese marriages were arranged by matching their birth dates and all that. Wondering how the Muslims match their children? I thought that arranged marriages are less common now. Your post triggered me thinking again and I realize they are actually still very common now especially when people tend to marry at a later age in many countries such as China, Japan and Korea due to increasing educational level. Many people treat them as a channel to know more friends so I guess these arrangements are carried out in a less forceful way now.
Your friend is really an optimistic girl. Hope she’s having a blissful marriage life now:D
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