I stepped out on exchange to “The Sunshine State” in USA; Florida, with the exciting hope in my mind to experience a total new university life, in a new culture with new friends. I soon realized that I had no problem in making friends there. Everyone was so approachable and they talk with such enthusiasm and friendliness that I was becoming comfortable with my new home in no time.
During the orientation I got to know most of the other exchange students who had come from almost every corner on the globe. My room mate was a girl from China and she was extremely sweet natured and introduced me to the rest of her friends. Somehow I happened to spend more and more time with these new friends and I was filled with excitement when we began to plan tours around the States. First we went to Orlando and eventually I realized that at times I was feeling a little awkward in their company. The reason was, most of the time they spoke in their mother tongue. Even though I was starting to feel left out and alone, I tried to ignore this since I was having the most wonderful adventure, in a land of fairy tales; The Disney World. It was nothing but a dream coming true for me and everything else mattered little.
There was girl in particular who was getting a little irritated when I tried to make conversations with them in English. She would ignore me and pretend not to notice me most of the time. She barely spoke to me casually except if she has to ask something formal. When I was talking to my room mate, this girl would interfere and start a conversation of her own with her. They were best of friends and every time I tried to talk with them I felt like an intruder. When ever I make a comment about something, she would laugh by saying something to the others that I don’t even understand. I tried not to notice her attitude towards me as much as possible but sometimes I had to use a lot of my patience to resist from reacting to her.
At the end of the Orlando trip I was feeling desperately lonely. It was meant to be a joyous adventure, yet it turned out to be quite frustrating. The main cause of this situation I faced was the difficulty in communication. Although this girl was fluent in English she had an accent which gave me trouble and I had to ask her to repeat things she said at times, which seemed to annoy her. On the other hand, she would have had problems in understanding my dialect of English too. She preferred to converse in her mother tongue and since I was the only person who was unable to comprehend it, she would have been irritated. This was my own experience where the language barrier turned out to be the root of a provoking conflict.
Do you think there was any chance for me to make my trip a pleasanter one?
Sorry to hear of your experience, and I can imagine the awkwardness and discomfort you were in. Must have been terrible!
Hmm, that was indeed a very tricky situation. However, I think that such cases are encountered on a relatively frequent basis.
On hindsight, if I was with a group of Indonesians and there's a chinese colleague with us, I would try my best to use English so that no one is left out in the conversation, but we should keep in mind: in such settings, you may appear too formal if you use English instead of Indonesian, i.e. less friendly (and maybe even rude) to the others.
As for the accent part, I think that this is unavoidable. As Brad mentioned, its a skill that we all have to pick up: comprehending English spoken with various accents :)
One thing I might have done would be to speak to my room-mate, since it was mentioned that she is a really sweet-girl. Hence, she would probably lend a listening ear to me, and possibly relief my discomfort in the awkward settings :)
Thats my two cents. I'll see you in class on Monday! =)
Well, if I were in your shoes, I probably would have felt very uncomfortable and out of place.
Anyway, I think that probably like what Desmond mentioned, I agreed that you could try speaking to your room mate about this problem you're facing.
You can expressed your joy that you are having during those get togther outings, and then let her know that on certain occassions however, you do feel the discomfort feeling that you are getting from her friend's actions tactfully.
I believe, this is an intercultural barrier and we must learn to be more sensitive and to tolerate any cultural differences we are facing to minimize intercultural clashes.
And yea, hopefully, you did gained a lot from this trip as well (:
Man, if I were in your shoes, I would definitely feel terrible and horrendous especially when I'm a person who is very dependent on my friends. Glad that you managed to control yourself and took it well. =)I would have gone berserk and do something petty that I'll probably regret later.
One way that you can make your trip pleasanter is to talk to your Chinese roommate and express how uncomfortable and left out you feel around her best friend. At least when your roommate is aware of how you feel, she might make things easier for you by including you in their conversations by speaking in English. Maybe you can learn some of their mother tongue as well so you'll know what they are saying sometimes. Who knows, they might be impressed and intrigued that you can actually understand their mother tongue! It could be a conversation-starter.
If that particular girl continues to ignore you, asks your roommate to talk to her and let her know that it is not right for her to do this to you.
If all else fails, then just don't care about her and have fun! After all she don't deserve you as a friend. Don't let such a spoiler destroy your wonderful trip!
Alrighty, hope my advice is useful enough and that your trip will be much pleasanter. Take care and see ya!
I truly empathize with you, and i truly hope that this doesn't happen to me next year when i go on SEP!
I believe that going on SEP by yourself and being willing to mix around is a really brave act of going out of your comfort zone.
Naturally, being out of one's comfort zone brings about times of discomfort and a feeling of being 'out-of-place'. I believe you have done what you could by being considerate and patient! =)
The other girl came across to me as being very insensitive to you as an outsider. Such barriers are hard to break down and requires both parties to play a part. Know that it takes 2 hands to clap, and be rest assured that you have indeed tried your best to communicate well.
Managing one self's emotions is a big part of EQ, and i believe that you would have other great experiences to take away. Don't allow a couple of incidents to spoil your trip! =)
The left out feeling is really horrible. But you are brave to explore a brand new place all by yourself! :)
This group of Chinese girls have already established a close relationship, so you were most probably regarded as an intruder by that girl that’s why she treated you coldly. I feel that it’s hard for that girl to change because people tend to use what they are most comfortable with. But she did not care to include you into their conversations clearly shows that she was not even trying to make an effort to make friends with you. So it’s not worth it to spoil your mood because of her.
Anyway, maybe you can observe that girl more to find some common interests between you and her. And invite her to do something that both of you like, then slowly, she may begin to enjoy your company. By doing so the barrier the two of you can be break down.
Or when she’s talking to a particular girl, you can talk to the others so as to minimise in contact with her. In this way, it also minimise the chance for her to show unfriendliness towards you.
It’s hard to please everyone so if the overall experience was a pleasant one it’s good enough. :)
Thank you so much for your comments dear friends..:) I really appreciate them..:) I'm pleased that you were able to understand the awkward situation I was in.
Now after getting an actual opportunity to relate it to the communication issues on an academic level, I realized the basis of the conflict more clearly.
I don't actually think I acted wisely to overcome my discomfort at that time; instead I let myself feel sad and alone. I totally agree with all of you that I should have spoken with my room mate. She would have listened to me and at least made things less awkward.
Actually Joyce, you were right..:) There were times when I thought I would betray my patience and speak up to her. If I did that, I would have regretted it later because the root of the problem was a communication barrier between us rather than a personal grudge. I would have made someone hate me if I had taken that option. So I am thankful to my tolerance level..:)
Once again thanks loads for taking the time to think of this..:)
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7 comments:
hi Vijani!
Sorry to hear of your experience, and I can imagine the awkwardness and discomfort you were in. Must have been terrible!
Hmm, that was indeed a very tricky situation. However, I think that such cases are encountered on a relatively frequent basis.
On hindsight, if I was with a group of Indonesians and there's a chinese colleague with us, I would try my best to use English so that no one is left out in the conversation, but we should keep in mind: in such settings, you may appear too formal if you use English instead of Indonesian, i.e. less friendly (and maybe even rude) to the others.
As for the accent part, I think that this is unavoidable. As Brad mentioned, its a skill that we all have to pick up: comprehending English spoken with various accents :)
One thing I might have done would be to speak to my room-mate, since it was mentioned that she is a really sweet-girl. Hence, she would probably lend a listening ear to me, and possibly relief my discomfort in the awkward settings :)
Thats my two cents. I'll see you in class on Monday! =)
cheers,
desmond
Hello blogging buddy (:
Well, if I were in your shoes, I probably would have felt very uncomfortable and out of place.
Anyway, I think that probably like what Desmond mentioned, I agreed that you could try speaking to your room mate about this problem you're facing.
You can expressed your joy that you are having during those get togther outings, and then let her know that on certain occassions however, you do feel the discomfort feeling that you are getting from her friend's actions tactfully.
I believe, this is an intercultural barrier and we must learn to be more sensitive and to tolerate any cultural differences we are facing to minimize intercultural clashes.
And yea, hopefully, you did gained a lot from this trip as well (:
Man, if I were in your shoes, I would definitely feel terrible and horrendous especially when I'm a person who is very dependent on my friends. Glad that you managed to control yourself and took it well. =)I would have gone berserk and do something petty that I'll probably regret later.
One way that you can make your trip pleasanter is to talk to your Chinese roommate and express how uncomfortable and left out you feel around her best friend. At least when your roommate is aware of how you feel, she might make things easier for you by including you in their conversations by speaking in English. Maybe you can learn some of their mother tongue as well so you'll know what they are saying sometimes. Who knows, they might be impressed and intrigued that you can actually understand their mother tongue! It could be a conversation-starter.
If that particular girl continues to ignore you, asks your roommate to talk to her and let her know that it is not right for her to do this to you.
If all else fails, then just don't care about her and have fun! After all she don't deserve you as a friend. Don't let such a spoiler destroy your wonderful trip!
Alrighty, hope my advice is useful enough and that your trip will be much pleasanter. Take care and see ya!
Hi Vijani!
I truly empathize with you, and i truly hope that this doesn't happen to me next year when i go on SEP!
I believe that going on SEP by yourself and being willing to mix around is a really brave act of going out of your comfort zone.
Naturally, being out of one's comfort zone brings about times of discomfort and a feeling of being 'out-of-place'. I believe you have done what you could by being considerate and patient! =)
The other girl came across to me as being very insensitive to you as an outsider. Such barriers are hard to break down and requires both parties to play a part. Know that it takes 2 hands to clap, and be rest assured that you have indeed tried your best to communicate well.
Managing one self's emotions is a big part of EQ, and i believe that you would have other great experiences to take away. Don't allow a couple of incidents to spoil your trip! =)
The left out feeling is really horrible. But you are brave to explore a brand new place all by yourself! :)
This group of Chinese girls have already established a close relationship, so you were most probably regarded as an intruder by that girl that’s why she treated you coldly. I feel that it’s hard for that girl to change because people tend to use what they are most comfortable with. But she did not care to include you into their conversations clearly shows that she was not even trying to make an effort to make friends with you. So it’s not worth it to spoil your mood because of her.
Anyway, maybe you can observe that girl more to find some common interests between you and her. And invite her to do something that both of you like, then slowly, she may begin to enjoy your company. By doing so the barrier the two of you can be break down.
Or when she’s talking to a particular girl, you can talk to the others so as to minimise in contact with her. In this way, it also minimise the chance for her to show unfriendliness towards you.
It’s hard to please everyone so if the overall experience was a pleasant one it’s good enough. :)
Thank you so much for your comments dear friends..:)
I really appreciate them..:) I'm pleased that you were able to understand the awkward situation I was in.
Now after getting an actual opportunity to relate it to the communication issues on an academic level, I realized the basis of the conflict more clearly.
I don't actually think I acted wisely to overcome my discomfort at that time; instead I let myself feel sad and alone. I totally agree with all of you that I should have spoken with my room mate. She would have listened to me and at least made things less awkward.
Actually Joyce, you were right..:) There were times when I thought I would betray my patience and speak up to her. If I did that, I would have regretted it later because the root of the problem was a communication barrier between us rather than a personal grudge. I would have made someone hate me if I had taken that option. So I am thankful to my tolerance level..:)
Once again thanks loads for taking the time to think of this..:)
Cheers..
Vij
Thank you for sharing this well written problem scenario with us, Vijani! It is very clear and concise, and obviously heart-felt.
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